he is feeling the blues

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151375402456836&l=e45a81b1a1
 
today was a record high for me, 
in more ways than one..... 
I had a full day packed with interviews,
likewise for tomorrow, I strongly believe
that I will be getting a career that I will be staying on 
for a super long time to come soon... 
enough of all the grind, shit and grit saw stuff 
and I bumped into an old friend, 
like have not met this person for 10years or more
and our faces lit up when we saw each other
he still looked as good. 

Anyways, my honey bun was in the blue zone today
feeling all shitty and blue
and I know it as he is listening non-stop to praise and worship 
which is a great way to unwind and leave it all at HIS feet
and he is all about the cuddling and needing hugs. 
Its so akin to a soldier going out to the battlefield and coming home
wounded...... awwww, my poor baby. 
He deserves a great hug and an awesome massage. :) 

On the other hand, i am looking forward to toomorrow's packed day
totally awesome!!!

Goodbye Michael... Rest In Peace & You Will be Fondly remembered

I had meant to show a sneak peek of

some of my wedding photoshoot pics today

but this entry makes more sense....

Michael Jackson died.

He first introduced me into

a world of cool pop and dance music.

A talented guy...

mystery surrounds his death.

I hope the authorities would give more insight

into his death soon. It's sad.

But he has gone to a better place.

How?

Lord.... I am so upset now, everything is like haywired thanks to one gown! The Spainish Gown, why couldn't she get it right, I wanted it in RED trimmings not orangey coral red and she changed it from satin to french lace, WHO wanted french lace in the first place, it wasn't at all the material that she showed me in the first place. We already paid the money, gotten everything together and I am so angry at the fact that she refused to correct the trimmings (which probably needs 2 days only) for my photoshoot on MONDAY - 22 June 2009. Now I may even need to postpone the shoot........... I was so looking forward, getting everything ready and all geared up. I AM SO sad now. Mixed up inside.

sdagfjkbDBsdvA... where heart Pain causes ache day

Today is declared as idiotic and mindless....

painful and wronged.

Dumb and dumber.

I need prayers...

I had enough!

ENOUGH!

Sunday - Today

Today, I am feeling both mixed up... happy yet not so nearly happy. Vexed.. on one hand, there's the dress I like... on the other hand, there's a lot of considerations holding me back from being really happy with the dress. One is really Daniel's face and does he really mean it when he wants to get it for us? I look at him and was quite clueless... I mean, I am quite torn. Really. I know I shouldn't sound so "materalistic" and all that jazz but its causing this confusion and then... when I was cutting Daniel's hair just only (prior to this blog) he seemed so not happy with the hair cut today. I wonder is it the hair cut or is it him being unhappy with other things... maybe I am just thinking too much. Not sure. Just dam unhappy now. Anyways, if he really thinks his hair cut sucks, he can always head to the professional barber, afterall, I am untrained in Hair-dressing so if the cut truly sucks... .then. . . . . . . Still ponderriiinggggg...... BIG SIGHS

Dumb DUMB!!!

i totally think u r dumb

my heart went numb

when i saw your face.

it was laced

with disparity

contempt...

just pure facade

i could not care less

if it was a boy or girl

that was on the line

i merely needed u to acknowledge

so that i could feel less transparent

and more coherent

that my being there was meant..

but DUMB dumb u

chose the most obnoxious act

to make me feel extra lack

totally oblivion would be it

tell me

does fuel that run on empty

settles itself with an apology?

I don't think so

then what more if humans

who lack food

need an apology for?

just admit it

you are not smart

so stop trying to be smart

it gets into unnecessary trouble

like Bart Simpson does

or maybe the way Cartman of South Park do

stop getting into anymore trouble!

ARGH

I AM SO FREAKIN'''' ANGRY and SAD at the same time.... I seriously feel so useless....!!!

I hate myself..... and those Twerps!

do not read this entry if u are sad.....

I have been thru so many similar todays just that, it never felt as manic nor as 'suffo'-cating as it is now.. i should be "experienced" able to handle it, get a gripe of me but Nooooo... precisely because I am experience that makes it harder cos I feel, I am trapped in the ratty feeling of routine, procedure... system. Even pain can become routine for me how insane does that sound? Does not?? It does... its insane if you feel pain and slowly get accustomed to it then it embraces, envelopes and engulfs your soul-ful jolly spirit seeping in, tearing up the wound then rots soon the wound gets so bloody big that I can be numbed by the ironical pain Work does not kill, people do Family is for harmony and peace, people ruin that notion Joy is for all, but it eludes some Success, define it.... I lost my gripe!! Thank God for friends still they bring tears.... like how a stream runs its course I miss you. Please stop making use of me Let me recover I need to be appreciated an innate need or a wilful want? A need. Definately a need. Its a cry. I am disgusted with your proportedly 'cookie shaping training' I DO NOT want to be a tough cookie I HATE TOUGH COOKIES!!! Let me dance and live in the freedom of me. Not you. I want to stop name calling. I need time out. Stop calling me. Stop haunting me. Stop HURTING me. BLOODY learn to respect! I am W-E-A-K!!! I am... I need to go to my cave. Don't second guess me! Either bother to know me or don't try!

I can't....Its painful

Guys....

I will not be blogging for a couple of days... am very hurt, sad, disappointed, discouraged and despondent by an issue. Right now, I don't even want to be married. Really. I mean it.

Singlehood rocks! My best friend is THE BEST! And, I just wanna sit in front of the PC and sob to death.

Moral fiber.... its the core of what grounds me. It allows me to realise if I have done wrong and going against what's right biblically.

Yet, whatever I witnessed has breached this fiber and crossed the line, my moral fiber line. And its someone I know for so long and relatively respected, it stings!

I know, I am not supposed to judge. I know men are fallen in nature. I know.... I know. BUT DOES THAT PERSON KNOW HOW MUCH I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO RESPECT THAT PERSON AGAIN? Its such a struggle.

Struggling with this feeling and hurting all at the same time.... I am tormented.

I need my best friends now... more than ever. God help me!

Yes, I know I am emotional..... but, really, moral fiber is my core, shake it and its like asking me to murder and not feel guilty.... yes, its that bad.

China EarthQuake

Its been a real field day for me today.... since 8am this morning till 5.30pm, I have been receiving calls to do phone interviews, radio interviews and TV news interviews, all over the China Earthquake, well, frankly.... before this, I thought the cyclone in Myanmar was really bad but this has to top the cake, two crisis within a week.... its depressing. I have 2 tour groups up in Chengdu (the city that got hit real BAD and started there) but thank God everyone is safe and sound! Tmr morning, I will be on Good Morning Singapore! Please pray for me.... *gasps*

God.... please help me in this time of need

Lord,

My prayer is please remind me that:

23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Col 3:23-24

It does not matter if I am appreciated, but Lord, PLEASE help me get by, hold me close to you. I want to scream out LOUD already.... cos I detest HER!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is bloody making my life difficult. She does not help nor try to. She sides outsiders or anyone else but me who is on the same platform.

Hais..... I pray that you help me see her thru your eyes. I pray that when I meet you face-to-face Lord, you will say: "I Love You very much my child... cos you never forgotten me and my ways in tough moments." Then all will be worth it.

Love you so much Lord,

your child, ruth

Little Chicken OR Chicken & Little??

Proverbs 11:2 (New International Version)
" When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." I shall apologise here to a particular group of peeps, for the way the situation turned out, even thou I am under tremendous stress and my head is on the line.

By far and large, men needs their face and ego more than women do. So are they Little "Chickens" or Chicken & Little in their actions?

DUMB

What do you call a day where everyone is out to make it that much harder and irritate you? Pour cold water when you are having the toughest day...when you feel like bursting out screaming: GO AWAY!!!!!! I am up till my head in deadlines before the Holidays descend? When people you think love you and care for you decide to suan you???????????????????

This DAY is DECLARED as STUPID MEN DAY!!!!!! Cos all the men in my life are dumb right now. Not a single one is being normal nor nice at all. Not an ounce.... considering the effort I am putting in to balance work, rehearsals, planning parties for friends and meeting my reporter friends..... The men don't get it and they think they are apt at wearing many hats the way a woman can!!!!

FINE! Go ahead and wear lor. See how much pressure you can take before you all come running to some woman in your life to pour out to.

Irritants!!!! I am so hurt lah! Its not jokes when it hurts.

HATE MEN DAY!

Hais

Today has been most ARGH!!!! Have 3 complaints to settled this morning, then my eye hurts so I cannot really doll doll up.. *bleh* Then Alex is coming back soon. :( (hahahaaaa.... ) Then I got that silly deadline to meet yet things are not settled to me. Hais...BIG HAIS... but in all things, thank goodness I have God. ~~RL

Sad

I am sad now. Sad sadness saddened sadly sad. I want to cry but there are no tears coming out. I feel so pent up and misunderstood. I want to emo but am at work. I long for a hug but its impossible.

The lousiest thing is, I am both sick and sad. I feel so much like some sickening loser. I feel not valued. Lost. Limbo.

I know the saying goes God loves and values me...yeah, that I know but no human does. In fact, humans are the bane of my sadness and pain right now.