Well, let's see, where shall I start? I have been very happy ever since getting together with Daniel, most parts of this relationship is truly a blessing and a happily smooth-sailing one but relationships all come with its perils.
Some makes you worst off, others like the one I am so fortunate to be blessed with - grooms! I have grown as a person, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and *ahem* physically too, yeah I put on and lost weight! Its been erhm....swell??!!????
BUT, as much as I was looking forward to spending this journey with Daniel, as much as I want to parade around in a AKA Cinderella gown on D-Day, as much as I want to say "I DO" to for better or for worse, till death do us part.... perhaps, even after death I will see him in Heaven, ahahahahaa.. Ok, point is, I am getting the jitters.
Oh yeah.... I was the one who was, yeah sure I want to be tied down, I can be tied down, I would love to have Daniel by my side for this ride, this road and this journey I am racing for God! There is no better, more down-to-earth creature than he for me, for God so divinely arranged, as I always put it.
And oh yes, there's my mum. My dearest mummy still feels that Daniel is not good enough for me BLAH BLAH BLAH.... its stressful... she feels I probably can do better and land myself a doctor or lawyer or some CFO.... heck! even some of my close girlfriends feel this way about Daniel!
BUT, thing is, I allowed nature to take its course, I was prepared to let go of this relationship if it truly was not meant to be, I prayed so much before it began, I waited on God for 3 years, asking and praying to lead me, not me lead ME but God lead me. And it just happened.
So.... Daniel naturally popped into the picture. Our first encounter left a deep impression on me, not in the positive sense but rather in the weirdly comical sense.
Then came the point when I felt frail, I needed a pair of strong hands to help me out of the droolums I was in... there came Daniel, with his very assuring nature and a great sense of responsibility, hahaha.... one elder in church even told me if I let Daniel go, I'd be the most foolish person, but then again, I submit ALL unto God. Just like now, before the impending day, I am constantly praying...
I have so much of anxieties... I fear I won't be a good enough wife, I fear I will fail miserably at my new job of being a wife, I fear I hate housework so much that both of us will end up staying in a pig sty, I fear I am not good enough (in my mom-in-law's eyes) for daniel.... and the wedding, the costs, we don't even have a flat thou we are still praying. The list seems endless...... so it leaves me pondering: maybe Darren was right, don't get married first lor... even thou he meant it jokingly.
Anyways, I am frustrated... (Yes daniel dear, I am frustrated), to the point I keep getting recurring nightmares.
Guess the Sun ain't so Shiny today afterall, or is it really? Is there like a real pot of Gold at the end of my Rainbow? I need that pot of Gold, I need answers and I need God's leading and blessings, HE has taken me so far.... just take me further. Please pray for me... Daniel is fine, its all me really. HA! *winks*
Love,
Ms Sunshine ruthie
No comments:
Post a Comment