The Blow by Blow and Lowdown on Shenzhen, Guangzhou and HK (Part 1)

Hello... I am back! 
Ok, I got to put a disclaimer first, coz someone requested loads of photos
I got those photos but I am too tired from packing and washing the clothes
to upload, I promise to do so by tomorrow or latest Thurs k? And my legs hurt, still.
THIS POST IS SUPER LONG... Got to split into parts, here is PART 1. 

My legs hurt from walking so much, 
felt like I flew to China to take part in some race man, 
it was draining but fun, and eye-opening at how organised the Chinese are!

What Singaporeans can do, the PRC in China, can certainly do BETTER! 
No kidding!!! 
Our edge remains as effectively bilingual individuals,
that's probably the main selling point we have over our Asian counterparts, till date.

When I spotted Chinese Text and could read them,
be it in Shenzhen, Guangzhou or HK,
I would be doing a flip or somersault or fireworks would go off in my head. 
Like YAY, I did not let my Chinese teacher, Ms Yip and my tutor down. 
(Thanks Ma for the tuition!!! Haha...)

Shenzhen
We flew in with tiger air
(yes, I told a friend that i have not take SQ before, shocking eh? Me too. I am shocked, but soon, at the rate I am travelling, every two months this year, I am sure that will happen soon!!!) 
Flight took off in the evening, 
I went for a facial appointment prior my flight to preen myself
afterall, it was a work trip for my hubs and a half and half for me,
I went there with an open mind to look for opportunities hopefully
I can uncover suitable products to trade in SG... 
haha, so i had to look the part of a potential Boss, 
I even printed name cards for me-self. 
Managed to munch a Mac Burger before flight and landed after midnight
it was a mere 3.5hours... and Shenzhen was impressive!
The airport had LED lights that were scattered on the HUGEASS ceiling of the airport
and they looked like a zillion stars... pretty!
(yes, I can feel you nagging, where are the photos?) akan datang.... 

Transport was organised, neat, comfortable... cab drivers were a dream
except you got to speak rather good Chinese for them to understand you,
saw some Ang Mohs haggling with a small group of PRC private cab drivers over pricing
and how cute the broken English sounded
PRC: " How muchhhiieee?" 
AngMoh: "40 Dollars for 3 of us to town"
PRC: "How... How how? How muchhiiieee dollars?" 
At this point, I was hysterical, yes, i got a low threshold for jokes, 
I laugh very easily, laughter is literally free and a smile brightens any face! 
Ang Moh: *started hollering* "I just said 40 DOLLLLLARRSSSS for THREE of us!!!"  
PRC: "Whattt? 40 dollars?!!!" PRC started discussing with his buddy nearby before replying "NO, TOO CHEAP, 100 DOLLARS OK? Ok we go now!" 
Ang Moh: "WHAT? 100 Dollars!!???" 
PRC went at him like a charging bull and placed his face in front of the Ang Moh.. 
"HOW HOW? Price Ok? 100 Dollars Cheap, you can pay, very cheap to you Yankees...!!" 
AngMoh: "I am not a Yankee and ..." his voice drowned out before I could hear the end of this banter. So fun! Pure entertainment for a flight that landed around 1am. 

And it is nice for a change to see the stereotype befalling the White Man
that all Whites are Americans... 
like how most Whites assume all Chinese 
descend from Bruce Lee and can do Kungfu. 

The next two days in Shenzhen was spent at a supplier's factory 
we saw some cool machines that were high tech with RFID, chips etc and decently cool 
spoke to the sales, engineering and marketing persons,
I really can click with them, I would love to think my Chinese sucks,
like a potato trying to be rice... aha! But they kept talking to me 
and only spoke to my hubs on the technical aspects.. 
machiam I am literally working for my hubs. 
Did you know, when they heard we were meeting them that morning, 
they prepare the conference room with 4 platters of fresh fruits! 
Like in SG, you sometimes don't even get water,
they serve you and heap you with fruits (so healthy!)
and different drinks for your picking. (Blown away!!!!!!)

They hosted us to great food during lunch (yes lar, photos will come!!!) 
and every meal was at a restaurant 
it was GLORIOUS! 
Like Taste Paradise, Min Jiang, Cherry Garden and Wah Lok kind of standard
Decor was avant garde and majestically chic! 
Crystal walls, gold finishings, chandeliers and opulent plush velvety chairs!!! 
Another restaurant looked decadent and very expensive
The Chinese really know how to 'LIVE IT UP!' 
I am so glad to be Chinese. 
To them, I was seen as a triple threat as I can speak English, Mandarin and Cantonese
but save for English, the rest is like a half pail of water, bahhh.... 

Anyways, Shenzhen will be a city i wish to explore more
I really enjoyed Shenzhen so much,
their "SIM LIM SQUARE" is like ours except 
that they have 20 such Buildings of Sim Lim Sq
It was HEAVEN ON EARTH FOR THE MEN,
I never seen more men shopping and buying their guts out
I had to explore the frenzy.. observing the frenzy was magical.
Never seen men shopped like there is no tomorrow before.
My eyes nearly popped after my fifth building,
coz each building had 10 floors to comb thru. 
It was a friggin' GREAT SINGAPORE WORKOUT 101 man... 
training for what's to come. 
Cables, plugs, components, Xbox, laptops, mobile phones, chargers,
TV set top boxes, every single electronic and IT gadget in the WORLD 
is there, everything and anything electronic you can dream of, is there too!!!
I am so happy to be Chinese. Dam proud of my roots!

The hotel was good too. Old but acceptable, I cannot recall the name,
too hard to remember... but it was at HUA QIANG TRAIN STATION
Shenzhen sealed the deal for me when the cab driver informed me
that a shopping haven, similar to Bugis Village but multiply it by tenfold 
can be found at LAO JIE FANG STATION,
I made it my mission to go there, 
even if it meant my legs had to break from all that walking
and I got lost... in every sense of the word. 
Did not know where to start, so many alleys, turns, corners, basements... 
I think, we CHINESE are very 'KUA ZHANG' folks.. 
if want something, we go all the way, if not, don't do. 

I was every word you can associate HAPPINESS WITH. 
Gleeful, Happy, Overjoyed, Excited, Overwhelmed.. 
you get the picture? 
Basking, soaking in the sights, colors, sounds and smells... 
INSPIRING! That night, i crashed into bed like a dead log. 
Walked so much... Ate so little, like some weight loss regime. 
But very very UBER HAPPY!!! I saw stars. :) 
My hubs was a trooper, did not complain (much),
he just walked and helped me with my things
coz I shopped. Haha! Yay!
The next day, we headed to Guangzhou. 

GUANGZHOU
Where cantonese originated from 
and the people are way too rude and curt 
and the food, according to the hubs, is unrefined (I concur) 
even the Chee Chong Fun dim sum was untidy. 
No idea how to eat man... was a plate of mess. Pppfffttt.. 

Side track... 13 years back, when i met Daniel (my hubs),
he did not have much standard when it comes to food
or how it is presented .. slowly, i trained him
to taste his food, enjoy the presentation and food art. 
Today, I kinda regret it (hahahahaha!) he can be too picky
even when it comes to my cooking, 
and I am one of the best chefs in the entire family (his side and my side combined)
yet, he can say, not enough salt, or too bland or why all the colors look the same..
I mean, everyday after work, I still got to come back and try to cook
and you want MasterChef standard, aiyo, facepalm can?? 
Maybe weekends then MasterChef appear. 

We went to the  
It was massive. Beyond massive. It was a nightmare to walk.
You don't know massive till you have seen China's exhibitions!
And that was on top of the crazy walking I did in Shenzhen already... 
My soul man was like.. "Die, die, sure mati one. How to survive?" 
Daniel was flabbergasted, jaw dropped and small eyes opened to the max
and he said, "Dear... why so many people one?" 
I was like, "Come on, let's do this, you have gone thru enough NATAS Fairs with me when i worked, we can do it!" 
So I had a simple plan, we comb the circumference then zigzag our way inside to the middle before moving to the next hall. 
IMAGINE A SINGLE SINGAPORE EXPO HALL and multiply that by 16 Halls. 
Yups... that was the scale of the Fair we originally wanted to cover. 
But we gave up after 3 Halls, as their one Hall is 
already double a singular Singapore Expo Hall.
My flats gave way, I had to buy new sandals. 

My legs are still tired and painful from all that walking. 
We shall continue tomorrow.... Nights!!! 


Xoxo,
Sleepy Ruth

And then... there are some of us

Yons ago . . . literally like YONS ago,
I was schooling and I was tutoring at the same time. 
Yeah, the independent streak in me was very prevalent
and I had a strong backbone
I loved what earning my own keeps did for me
and at the age of 18 to 19,
I was going for facials in the heart of Orchard,
buying over the counter cosmetics and skincare (experimental age)
and I joined a gym!

The strange fact was,
my metabolic rate was insanely good
I could get away with doing little yet maintaining a decent figure then
in spite of eating and snacking on my fave sardine puffs in the school canteen
OH HOW I ADORE THE LATE TEENS and ROARING TWENTIES!!! Yikes!

The gym I joined then was California Fitness
which was the newest and largest in LaLa land then
and it was spanking new alright!!! 
3 floors of floor to ceiling glass windows 
where the sun rays can peek in from all angles 
with new state of the art equipment for gym rats
BUT I AM NO GYM RAT
so why on earth did I join one? 

I got a confession.... 
I loved the idea back then of running on the treadmills facing the current cineleisure 
and looking good while doing so
basically, I loved the full on idea of being a true blue POSER! Ha. 
What's there not to love,
boys will look at you,
your self esteem (and ego) basically shoots up rocket high
sending you to infinity and beyond at times,
personal trainers come up to you and try to pick you up 
offering you free tips and classes once in a while
You get free meals, shakes, drinks, gym bags and the likes that comes with that attention
Those were glorious days (hahaha....)


AND THEN... Fast forward a lot,
I met a boy whom I grew to love
married him, cooked a lot, ate a lot and busted my knee during a half marathon
so I stayed away from exercising for 2 years and 35kg later
I COULD NOT FATHOM WHAT ON EARTH HAVE I MORPHED INTO!!!????!!!!
It was an alien invasion!!! Of the highest order too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The image staring back at me in the mirror was.... Gasp! H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E

I mean, even if my true love did not mind (which i like to think he didn't)
this nagging thought was surfacing, though it often is a backburner but
right then, when it hit me, I was like.... "One Day, if the boy you love 
decides to go all superficial on you and prefer a skinny monkey over you,
you are so dead... cos you are just not attractive anymore" 
Besides this deeply seeded thought that incepted itself somewhere in me
I was also avoiding a lot of my friends, a lot of weddings and basically,
places where humans gather. It was bad. 
My self esteemed plummeted big time. And whose fault was it? 
As they say, the rest is history, I took control of the situation,
am discipline, determined and exercise like crap, signed onto a gym that fits my personality
and helps me attain my goals... and am consistent in the stuff I do. Including healthier intake.

I lost 20kgs. I have 15kgs to go. I just got to keep on keeping on. 

Today, I saw a colleague strolling into office,
hollering my name and when I turned back, 
she had a mat with her, stating she signed for yoga classes held within my office grounds
gesturing if I also joined, I told her I cannot stand slow exercises,
though I believe in yoga, the results are too slow for my liking.
She is double my old size, meaning she will take longer to see results esp if she plans on 
just using yoga as a form of exercise, but so long as she sticks to it, consistently,
it will work, results will creep in, dresses will fit better and love will find her. 
Just that, when we were in the ladies later in the day,
she was like, I am wearing a sports bra, I think my top is bigger today..... 
(my eyes rolled a little at this point...haha)
Hope the instructor is good looking,
(eyes kept rolling and I smirked)
I hope to be healthier and lose weight and be like you... 
(at this point, i can understand her, coz being overweight can be challenging, 
you can be bullied and overlooked in promotions and gatherings and whatever else.)

I am glad to have inspired her to want to work out 
but don't be like the old me... who wants to look good going to a work out...
instead be like the current me, where even though I got 15kg more to lose
and am still fluffy in certain areas (yes yes, I call the fats - Fluffy ok... cuter lar)
I am comfortable and more confident under my own skin. 
Coz besides good looks and a decent figure,
I got other talents and a great attitude towards life, work and people
and I am no longer a POSER
I just want to be a hot commodity in areas other than outer appearances
besides, my theory goes --- 
GOOD LOOKS CAN TAKE YOU ONLY SO FAR, IT GIVES YOU A PASSPORT, 
A PUSH THRU THE DOORS OF OPPORTUNITY BUT
HOW YOU STAY ON THERE AND SHINE IN YOUR ROLE, 
SOLELY DEPENDS ON YOUR ATTITUDE, SKILLS AND TALENTS. 

XoxoXO,
Ruth

A Marriage.... Ours

My man skyped me a month back, 

asking me if I am interested to go for a marriage seminar, 

just to keep up with how to communicate better and perhaps, 

in the course, find out if there are new methods / ideas 

to work through issues that we may have OR 

if we develop some strange undercurrent 

that may require delicate handling... haha. 

I agreed. I am all for lifelong learning. 

One has to keep the brain like a sponge

always willing to absorb, learn, be open,

explore and this will push your envelope,

challenge one to be better at your craft. 

So we went for: 

This was co-organised by Mediacorp and the "garment" 

I had two takeaways from the entire getup.... 

(A) Speak life into your partner, ALWAYS

it ain't a choice, it helps, spare 3 solid minutes a day to be grateful 

and positive about your spouse's pros / strengths / talents / beauty

(B) Set aside one night in a week for "Date Night" 

without the kids, the outlaws and in-laws and friends.... 

just gaze into each other's eyes and drown there please.... 

NOOTT... that will barely last for 3 secs before one of you burst out laughing

but date nights are meant to revive "Fun" and possibly do stuff

that you did when you dated / paktor-ed 

And there was this one exercise where we looked at each other
and show your partner if there was any stuff that transpired 
in the past (the past only starts from Day 1 of your marriage, 
DOES NOT INCLUDE PAKTOR Days...)
and using your eyes only, tell your partner if you have been hurt
by what he / she said coz he / she was a klutz and had limited vocab
so in the course of communication, was too blunt in their selection of words

I practically won the Oscars! 
Tears welled up at the corner of my eyes
with my poor doe-eyes filling up with tears fast and yet 
not shedding a single drop,
My muscle man, was fast turning into a mash of pudding 
and I always declare he is cool as a cucumber,
aka Mr Poker Face... he could only express helplessness for a brief moment
before displaying the look of "I am sorry I hurt you" 
without even knowing what I was thinking
(we were not allowed to communicate during this exercise except with our eyes)

When this exercise came to an end, 
we hugged, like a big huge bear hug
and he asked, so what did I do? 
I was like, we addressed it already,
but that was the only sad part of this marriage thus far,
so I had to go back to that place so that I can express sadness,
coz 98% of the time, I AM V HAPPY!
He makes me happy, confident, secured and perhaps, gives me steel wings to fly too!
1.5% of the time, I am irritated with his quirks and lazy habits at home
which at times, i feel like murdering him... oh well, 
the last 0.5% of the time, I am truly upset / sad with him. 

He has always been my go-to person to share everything with
since we were merely friends
he ALWAYS tries to and does solve my problems
but he is adapting, he now quips, if i merely need a ventilation outlet / listening ear
OR Mr Fix It? 
Smart aleck me, came up with Option 4 - I need Mr Hug Me Now and just tell me all will be alright... 
I sometimes throw all caution and doubts to the wind and live with full abandonment 
IN THE MOMENT! I need THOSE MOMENTS to keep me sane! 
No matter how fleeting. 
Coz the world out there, sometimes, 
is a big bad world. 
I need my anchor, my harbour. 
God provided me my muscle man,
as a tangible expression of HIS LOVE for me. 

And I will always remain, grateful. 
For Him, for my man, for those moments! 

Xoxo. 

Fancy a Flight of Flancy?

So much has happened since my last post
I have been so swamped that i decided this blog needs to take a backseat
LIKE BIG TIME! 

Marriage:
I still enjoy being married to him
I have known him since 2000,
started dating him in 2003
married him in 2009. 
The really awesome and mind blowing bit is
I AM STILL NOT SICK of him
he still manages to amaze and impress me
even after all these years
I still love to embark on life's adventures with him
travel the world as wanderlust strikes us, whenever,
still adjusting to his wicked sense of "encouraging" me
and still believing in his dreams, 
his capabilities and wanting to provide the wind beneath his wings to take flight. 
Yup, I fancy a wondrous flight of fantasy 
He makes me feel like I can be whoever I want to be
Security and the freedom to focus on whatever we wish to do are just 
starters on this huge plate of offerings that we are cooking

Friendships:
I have been so blessed. 
Been in touch with more people
Reconciled with more
Soaring with some of them
Made new ones whom I know are for keeps, this lifetime and hopefully the next
BFFs who stand by me
believe in me
cry with me
laugh with me
bitch with me
dance with me
sing with me
dine with me
I am just so grateful

Family:
The folks are challenging at times
otherwise alright
mum-sy isn't feeling too good
going for a heart check soon
dad had an incident and is better
we had a scare that morning! 
The family trip was scary 
made me miss my man more
realized that I got to make a permanent mindset shift... 
i.e. my folks are here to teach me patience - whether I like it or not. 
Oh well... 
The mum-sy-in-law has been fantastic,
things are great between us, what is even better is how much closer I have gotten
with her and my grandmother-in-law... she dotes on me and spoils me silly. 
I am truly blessed. 

Work:
This 2014, is a year of change, of greatness, of HIS GLORY
I can smell it in the air! 
Am working towards it. 
Am praying for the stars to align. 
While setting the foundation. 
My man is asking me for a biz plan
I love how he keeps me grounded thou I hate this part
of pulling a proposal together
My man needs to rule the world 
while I keep the house clean, neat and head out to work out my bod 
and enjoy shopping and do PR and Marketing consultancy work. Ideal!!! 
(Hahahaha.... a girl can dream... can't she???) 

I thank God for everything. Every single person. 
At this point of my life, I can tell the rotten apples from the good ones
the ones with an agenda and the ones I can count on,
I may appear all innocent and blur and whatever else I want you to believe
but trust me, still waters..... run really really deep. 
Not in a bad way, but
in a smart way. 
I strive to be, the greatest team player I ever can be!
As they say "THE BEST IS YET TO COME!" 
Carpe Diem!!!!!!! Always! 

My Health & Weight Loss:
My determination, focus and discipline levels have reached a new high
I cannot fathom if you asked me 2 years back,
Can you go exercise and lose weight? 
I would go and try for a month, tops!
and revert to the sluggish lifestyle once more
But now, after embarking on this for 15 months,
I lost a total of 20kg to-date, I am lighter than my man
as any good wife should (be lighter than her man)
except if you are pregnant then it doesn't count. 
I have another 15kg to lose, making it a total of 35kg
my BFF says I got more room, the hubs is happy to see me drop me
in a stable and healthy fashion.

XoxoxO,
R

Blues and then some

Idle is once in a while, good
I am still awaiting that call
that promotion, please Oh Lord...
My heart is singing,
and my prayers are the same.
Promotion that comes from You.
Let it come true.
Let the next step take root and last.
Let me be fruitful, balance, appreciated by Bosses and happy!
Amen!

Hmmm.... The Cave Woman

You know there is this book known as
THE FIVE LANGUAGES OF LOVE
and this other book known as
MEN ARE FROM MARS & WOMEN, VENUS
well.... the thing is,
I am in a cave now
this season, this period,
yeah, this mode works for me too
and it is safe, unsure why I am in the cave
or how I entered into one
either thru stumbling or chancing upon,
but in any case, I am inside the cave now.

Emotionally, mentally and whatever else there is . . .
I am there. Just not physically.
My being has to be at places
and look chirpy and cheery
sometimes, I laugh at the disdain and foolishness around me
I feel like a spectator watching a movie scene unfold
and I am a bystander, not by choice, just watching
sometimes bemused, other times I just feel let down
and then, I just start missing the (regrettably) old life
where I feel appreciated, beloved and treated right

Right now, I am just "used" and going thru the routine of things
I want to know where on earth did my joy and passion run off to?
The heights of Mount Faber or the ends of East Coast???
Going thru the motion of life and what it throws at me
does not cut it for me, guess I demand a lot outta my life eh?
Hmmm.... yeah, sometimes I do think so.
But is it a bad thing?
Not really, I for one, feel that, with no expectations and greater demand,
you won't grow as a person.

Sure, you will feel frustrated,
you might feel caught in a rut
or even bored at times,
but its precisely, at pushing the envelope
that one grows and refines their game.
I am stuck in that weird placement now
neither here nor there,
still exceeding speed
just want to exceed myself and what I set out for.

So Dear Lord, I know promotions come from You,
Please please PLEASE PROMOTE me.
I sure hope I am ready,
if you deem fit, PROMOTE me,
I need it and I am seeking / asking from You, my dear Father.
Amen!

Love my Nest, Love my Man

Super in love today.... 
started the day with a prayer
nothing fancy, simple one
my man sent me an encouraging short read
got me fruits for breakfast
and then I decided to make an effort to change
look at things differently

And came back to a lovely meal
Spicy n Sour Glass Noodles.... 
totally right up my alley today
I love how a documentary was featuring Taiwan,
one of my favourite countries in the world
I could move there in a heartbeat. 

Today is filled with more love than all the last 3 days!

hearing discouragements

Unsure if those things said today were purely out of things moving too slow
or what, I mean, for a fact, yes, business is slow
but I am certain, over time, it will build up 
got to quickly push for things 

I hope mgmt and esp my boss will support me in terms of using cashf
for needed immediate designs as my current support is really a tad slow
kinda holding me back, as she can only focus on one task 

I just hope, all will be able to give this the proper 6 months for all materials t
to be in place, am trying to half the time but still ...... 

Praying to stay positive and encouraged and find the peace and joy! 
Amen

And they all change

Strange how sometimes the old 
comes across as distant 
and the new comes across as tight / connected / closer
I can never understand that . . .
and the only logic that surfaces
is probably the fact that common shared experiences
and the things we go thru in life 
probably help shape us. 
Making us better persons
as we decide. 

So goodbye. 
Farewell. 
12.

Almost always

Unsure why a certain female is almost always
predictably so, unhelpful and trying to do 'Taiji' moves here 
and there, most days and most times. 
And blue murder, she gets away with, tell me again, why? 
sometimes, i almost wanna succumb to the Chinese saying of, 
"salted veggie life" but I know our God is bigger and better than this,
so yeah, I am so gonna pray, me shutting up and playing nice,
does not in anyway mean I am a "sick cat"
but rather, I am putting patience into action
if I erupt, I also don't like me, hahahahaa.... Roarrrr.... 

Anyways, this post ain't about her,
I just had to lament...... and rant. 
This post is about me, being proud of 
actually, deleting Mr. Mont Blanc's number away for good
if he doesn't contact me, 
which I am certain he has no good reason to anyways,
then really, the chapter has closed, like has had closure
after a decade, yeah.... me being the sentimental fool
believing that a life lived, should have a real love story 

one that is passionate and blazing and sets the bar
one that is long to be remembered (good or bad)
and one that has a dashing fella in the picture
hahahahaha..... silly me, young and naive and rather dumb, really! 
Anyways, the only fantastic thing out of that love lesson,
is, I really end up appreciating my current more
and know that men should really be treating their women right
and we, women, should not shortchange ourselves 
out of a decent relationship, seriously. 

Idealistic love...... is unfathomable on most days
all that jazz made up of heros and 
a gentleman and handing us their credit cards,
though good, but ain't essential, the crux,
is still his heart and how he shows his love,
and at the end of it all, it really is the small things
and little actions that touch our hearts and show us
how much we are valued and accepted for. Ain't it? 

Still love being married to him..... 
Ironically, today I was asked if I felt the 7-year itch,
no.... really, if I wanted to, I would have years back, 
before we even got married.... 
this 12 year marathon of a relationship, 
that blossomed from just friends to BGR to 
I still cannot believe I am married to him
has been an adventure, still not sick of him and that's awesome!

 

And I hate you.... and then some

Mr Mont Blanc
do you really know how detestable and hateful 
and with a super capital S you are!!???!!!

Seriously, why can't more people speak with rounded edges
and think before they talk? 
Like word what you want to say with some prudence / love / care
and not just haphazardly hurt
with the entire barrage of words that come springing out of your mouth

And whoever that coined the term:
"Sticks and stones will break my bones
but words will never hurt me...." 
Is definitely and 100% a man..... 
No idiotic woman would coin that saying.... Ppppffttt.... 
 
Sigh.... Oh well. 
I just deleted you... Mr Mont Blanc
you just ain't worth my time. 
Not then, not now, not ever! 
And at times, I really wish you would rot / stink / ferment
somewhere down there in the deepest and darkest of abyss!
And stop pounding / squashing hearts you no good person U!  

I am so proud of myself. 
Kinda feeling like a trooper emerging all unscathed and smarter. 
Looking forward to the retreat 
and coming back to the bustle of copywriting, meetings and mayhem. 
In the meantime, a good massage and daily workouts are the order of the day! 
Besides seeking HIS face!

Xoxo....

Rough on the Edges yet Oh So Glad Inside

Took me a whole decade or slightly more to come a full circle
but at least, closure has arrived. 
I am so glad that the chapter will close for good
and that I will not acknowledge this person at all, anymore
over the last 2 weeks, weird and distant feelings of jealousy,
random irritations, borderline rage, longing, unexplained joy and sadness
seem to engulf me.

For no good reason, I would text, call upon for teh
and I kept saying to my inner voice,
I am in control, nothing will happen, you will be the angel and
be able to flee at the first sign of trouble 
but if I may, perhaps I had hoped for something more to occur,
something that I cannot fathom and perhaps allow feelings to seep 
and maybe things will spiral for no good reason. 

And really, I have a good head over these pair of beautiful shoulders
just that when it comes to emotions, somehow, whatever ounce of logic,
eludes me at moments, sometimes regretful foolish moments,
but those are all in the past and I really need them to stay past tense
on a permanent basis. 

Answers I was searching for an entire decade, may never really come to any fruition
But it is really okay, I sort of gotten it, even if it adds up to 80% 
but I got to concur, we were past and we are way way past the point 
of even bothering with the knowledge of anything
things can stay buried and just become dust
become a speck of dust.

I threw away the accessories bought
and the clothes and whatever reminder I have of then
almost an entire decade ago,
yet when we met, his eyes danced and lit up
and he smiled that familiar happy smile.
Now why did he have to do that..... really, why

I got too many good things and people in my life now
and many more new ones being added on a daily basis
I really do not need to deal with old things and baggages
I had the courage to walk away then, I shall repeat this feat again
walk away from the need for a real answer
of course it would mean me going to the grave without ever knowing
but will that be such a biggie? a regret? 
Like what would I have done different? 

Actually, maybe nothing different,
I would not appreciate my current squeeze as much as I possibly can
should I have not gone thru hell and back emotionally. 
At least I am really happy now, not happy everyday 
but happy generally and consistently so
and that makes me assured and confident
which in turn, is always a good thing in my humble opinion. 

Closure. That's all that mattered and matters now. 
I have it. Finally. I found real peace within. Period.
How nice. And Thank God really.