Took me a whole decade or slightly more to come a full circle
but at least, closure has arrived.
I am so glad that the chapter will close for good
and that I will not acknowledge this person at all, anymore
over the last 2 weeks, weird and distant feelings of jealousy,
random irritations, borderline rage, longing, unexplained joy and sadness
seem to engulf me.
For no good reason, I would text, call upon for teh
and I kept saying to my inner voice,
I am in control, nothing will happen, you will be the angel and
be able to flee at the first sign of trouble
but if I may, perhaps I had hoped for something more to occur,
something that I cannot fathom and perhaps allow feelings to seep
and maybe things will spiral for no good reason.
And really, I have a good head over these pair of beautiful shoulders
just that when it comes to emotions, somehow, whatever ounce of logic,
eludes me at moments, sometimes regretful foolish moments,
but those are all in the past and I really need them to stay past tense
on a permanent basis.
Answers I was searching for an entire decade, may never really come to any fruition
But it is really okay, I sort of gotten it, even if it adds up to 80%
but I got to concur, we were past and we are way way past the point
of even bothering with the knowledge of anything
things can stay buried and just become dust
become a speck of dust.
I threw away the accessories bought
and the clothes and whatever reminder I have of then
almost an entire decade ago,
yet when we met, his eyes danced and lit up
and he smiled that familiar happy smile.
Now why did he have to do that..... really, why
I got too many good things and people in my life now
and many more new ones being added on a daily basis
I really do not need to deal with old things and baggages
I had the courage to walk away then, I shall repeat this feat again
walk away from the need for a real answer
of course it would mean me going to the grave without ever knowing
but will that be such a biggie? a regret?
Like what would I have done different?
Actually, maybe nothing different,
I would not appreciate my current squeeze as much as I possibly can
should I have not gone thru hell and back emotionally.
At least I am really happy now, not happy everyday
but happy generally and consistently so
and that makes me assured and confident
which in turn, is always a good thing in my humble opinion.
Closure. That's all that mattered and matters now.
I have it. Finally. I found real peace within. Period.
How nice. And Thank God really.
