do not read this entry if u are sad.....

I have been thru so many similar todays just that, it never felt as manic nor as 'suffo'-cating as it is now.. i should be "experienced" able to handle it, get a gripe of me but Nooooo... precisely because I am experience that makes it harder cos I feel, I am trapped in the ratty feeling of routine, procedure... system. Even pain can become routine for me how insane does that sound? Does not?? It does... its insane if you feel pain and slowly get accustomed to it then it embraces, envelopes and engulfs your soul-ful jolly spirit seeping in, tearing up the wound then rots soon the wound gets so bloody big that I can be numbed by the ironical pain Work does not kill, people do Family is for harmony and peace, people ruin that notion Joy is for all, but it eludes some Success, define it.... I lost my gripe!! Thank God for friends still they bring tears.... like how a stream runs its course I miss you. Please stop making use of me Let me recover I need to be appreciated an innate need or a wilful want? A need. Definately a need. Its a cry. I am disgusted with your proportedly 'cookie shaping training' I DO NOT want to be a tough cookie I HATE TOUGH COOKIES!!! Let me dance and live in the freedom of me. Not you. I want to stop name calling. I need time out. Stop calling me. Stop haunting me. Stop HURTING me. BLOODY learn to respect! I am W-E-A-K!!! I am... I need to go to my cave. Don't second guess me! Either bother to know me or don't try!