~~~

I do not know what title to give this entry, thus I did not place anything above................ today was really weird. At least I feel weird. Life is weird.... everything seems so dewy, cold, almost chilly to an extent. I miss having no worries about money and going out for movies, shopping, makan and just waste time away. Nowadays, if I waste time, I can be scolded by different people cos I am an adult, I am suppose to make sensible decisions and not while away time. They say time is precious, I do agree but then again, if by "wasting time" I can reflect better to improve or be creative - I say WHY NOT? Norms of society are just there as guidelines, not meant as mandatory truth, remember that! I got to do out a work flow now, half excitied, half worried yet all stoned. Life.... always springs surprises when you least expect it. How you handle them, its all about your faith and belief in God, in Life and yourself! Stay optimistic. Cheers~~~ ruthie

Thank God for Dorena

This entry is meant to thank God for my dear Dorena, who in spite of staying at SengKang, is willing to come by to meet me for lunch.

I am upset to the point of being a tad depressed. I am stressed and upset cos of conflict of work interests. I am a simpleton who cannot handle nonsensical politics, I usually leave it to God to settle them for me, I crumble at the mere hardening of the human spirit. This time it affects me, cos I heard it for myself, seen it and was totally caught off guard.

In short, thou I am a woman, I hate women. They are the sweetest things there are BUT they are also the most vile and lowdown creatures. Not even a man can beat them. Women win wars not battles. And they need not be violent to do so. Thats the scary point.

I AM SO BL**DY upset..................... OH GOD! What did I do or not do? It was the most simple and innocent question, WHY GOD, Why must it be so complicated once it reaches her hands???

Please protect me from ALL evil, seen or unseen I pray. Lift my spirits up and grant me joy everlasting. I so so wanna cry. I am so useless..... small things like that can get to me! WTH.... but its my make-up. My DNA.

I am so freaking sensitive lah! I hate myself at times for being so sensitive. I still got to pretend I have things under control and smile! I got to freaking *smilez* ITS SO FAKE LAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When all I want to do is take leave and watch a good movie and cry..... CRY my heart out and all will maybe be fine again. *cry baby mode*

I am not as tough as people think I am.... only Daniel and a few closer sisters know how feeble I am internally and emotionally.

I am trying to get there, to be mentally strong, but its so cold and hard. I rather have someone to count on Lord...

SICK AND bleh

Folks! I am super sick and not in the mood to blog for a while... keep me in prayers and tag me where possible. Love, Ruthie