Love my Nest, Love my Man

Super in love today.... 
started the day with a prayer
nothing fancy, simple one
my man sent me an encouraging short read
got me fruits for breakfast
and then I decided to make an effort to change
look at things differently

And came back to a lovely meal
Spicy n Sour Glass Noodles.... 
totally right up my alley today
I love how a documentary was featuring Taiwan,
one of my favourite countries in the world
I could move there in a heartbeat. 

Today is filled with more love than all the last 3 days!

Blog posts are suppose to be on Happy Stuff

The hubs told me, that blog posts are meant for happy stuff,
but to me, this serves as a diary.... for a small crowd
for me to share.

Today's high was lunch, at La Catine located within Asia Square,
it was real good, main course was a little salty thou
but probably to cover the fishy smell of the cod fish
but dessert, was awesome-ness!!!
I love my friend at Citibank! :)

Today's super low, was that I am stuck with a bad egg
someone whose working language needs work at
and design needs lots of time
of which, both we don't have.
Unless you are fine with no expectations
and no standards and no inclinations of any kind
then, everything goes.

Really feeling super demoralised.
Ends up, I am getting shorter end of the straw,
but no one appreciates the sort of basic expectations
and standard of work I wish to bring
I mean, do things well, do it right
so you need not make like over 5 changes!!!!!!

Anyways, the hubs offered a suggestion
which may help, I will try it out.
Hope it works.
My coach says, its just a job..........
I am just not the sort who hand in subpar, half pass six kinda work.
How to? I am not wired that way......

No satisfaction at all like that
Pissed off...........

hearing discouragements

Unsure if those things said today were purely out of things moving too slow
or what, I mean, for a fact, yes, business is slow
but I am certain, over time, it will build up 
got to quickly push for things 

I hope mgmt and esp my boss will support me in terms of using cashf
for needed immediate designs as my current support is really a tad slow
kinda holding me back, as she can only focus on one task 

I just hope, all will be able to give this the proper 6 months for all materials t
to be in place, am trying to half the time but still ...... 

Praying to stay positive and encouraged and find the peace and joy! 
Amen

And they all change

Strange how sometimes the old 
comes across as distant 
and the new comes across as tight / connected / closer
I can never understand that . . .
and the only logic that surfaces
is probably the fact that common shared experiences
and the things we go thru in life 
probably help shape us. 
Making us better persons
as we decide. 

So goodbye. 
Farewell. 
12.

Almost always

Unsure why a certain female is almost always
predictably so, unhelpful and trying to do 'Taiji' moves here 
and there, most days and most times. 
And blue murder, she gets away with, tell me again, why? 
sometimes, i almost wanna succumb to the Chinese saying of, 
"salted veggie life" but I know our God is bigger and better than this,
so yeah, I am so gonna pray, me shutting up and playing nice,
does not in anyway mean I am a "sick cat"
but rather, I am putting patience into action
if I erupt, I also don't like me, hahahahaa.... Roarrrr.... 

Anyways, this post ain't about her,
I just had to lament...... and rant. 
This post is about me, being proud of 
actually, deleting Mr. Mont Blanc's number away for good
if he doesn't contact me, 
which I am certain he has no good reason to anyways,
then really, the chapter has closed, like has had closure
after a decade, yeah.... me being the sentimental fool
believing that a life lived, should have a real love story 

one that is passionate and blazing and sets the bar
one that is long to be remembered (good or bad)
and one that has a dashing fella in the picture
hahahahaha..... silly me, young and naive and rather dumb, really! 
Anyways, the only fantastic thing out of that love lesson,
is, I really end up appreciating my current more
and know that men should really be treating their women right
and we, women, should not shortchange ourselves 
out of a decent relationship, seriously. 

Idealistic love...... is unfathomable on most days
all that jazz made up of heros and 
a gentleman and handing us their credit cards,
though good, but ain't essential, the crux,
is still his heart and how he shows his love,
and at the end of it all, it really is the small things
and little actions that touch our hearts and show us
how much we are valued and accepted for. Ain't it? 

Still love being married to him..... 
Ironically, today I was asked if I felt the 7-year itch,
no.... really, if I wanted to, I would have years back, 
before we even got married.... 
this 12 year marathon of a relationship, 
that blossomed from just friends to BGR to 
I still cannot believe I am married to him
has been an adventure, still not sick of him and that's awesome!

 

And I hate you.... and then some

Mr Mont Blanc
do you really know how detestable and hateful 
and with a super capital S you are!!???!!!

Seriously, why can't more people speak with rounded edges
and think before they talk? 
Like word what you want to say with some prudence / love / care
and not just haphazardly hurt
with the entire barrage of words that come springing out of your mouth

And whoever that coined the term:
"Sticks and stones will break my bones
but words will never hurt me...." 
Is definitely and 100% a man..... 
No idiotic woman would coin that saying.... Ppppffttt.... 
 
Sigh.... Oh well. 
I just deleted you... Mr Mont Blanc
you just ain't worth my time. 
Not then, not now, not ever! 
And at times, I really wish you would rot / stink / ferment
somewhere down there in the deepest and darkest of abyss!
And stop pounding / squashing hearts you no good person U!  

I am so proud of myself. 
Kinda feeling like a trooper emerging all unscathed and smarter. 
Looking forward to the retreat 
and coming back to the bustle of copywriting, meetings and mayhem. 
In the meantime, a good massage and daily workouts are the order of the day! 
Besides seeking HIS face!

Xoxo....

Bumping into Mont Blanc Again

Denied ever arranging to meet for early tea 
decided to just have lunch as per scheduled with my DF
and almost as if it was arranged, 
we crossed path as the stars aligned 

you waved and acknowledged me
I merely nodded a courtesy nod since you waved
your eyes widen, you seem to always sense me
like you know where I would be, 
when we had a quick glance at Cathay yons back
once again your eyes darted to me
like you were always searching for me
or perhaps, like all men, just looking at pretty girls
that's about it, I should not overthink things. 

I went about my life
had a fun lunch with my DF and was immensed in the topics
then when it came time to head off
I had to bump into you, again

Mr Mont Blanc, I find it hard to fathom
the kind of bumping into, the frequencies 
kind of have me a tad weird out
but we talked a bit
your eyes danced and observed me
like way close, made me feel flattered
but I was in control, I was actually thinking, 
you just wasn't the person whom I used to be with

Oh Mr Mont Blanc, please let us not cross paths again
I hope. Perhaps when I am around the area
I really hope to scoot outta here
to work alongside my dear, and crave something more meaningful out.

Rough on the Edges yet Oh So Glad Inside

Took me a whole decade or slightly more to come a full circle
but at least, closure has arrived. 
I am so glad that the chapter will close for good
and that I will not acknowledge this person at all, anymore
over the last 2 weeks, weird and distant feelings of jealousy,
random irritations, borderline rage, longing, unexplained joy and sadness
seem to engulf me.

For no good reason, I would text, call upon for teh
and I kept saying to my inner voice,
I am in control, nothing will happen, you will be the angel and
be able to flee at the first sign of trouble 
but if I may, perhaps I had hoped for something more to occur,
something that I cannot fathom and perhaps allow feelings to seep 
and maybe things will spiral for no good reason. 

And really, I have a good head over these pair of beautiful shoulders
just that when it comes to emotions, somehow, whatever ounce of logic,
eludes me at moments, sometimes regretful foolish moments,
but those are all in the past and I really need them to stay past tense
on a permanent basis. 

Answers I was searching for an entire decade, may never really come to any fruition
But it is really okay, I sort of gotten it, even if it adds up to 80% 
but I got to concur, we were past and we are way way past the point 
of even bothering with the knowledge of anything
things can stay buried and just become dust
become a speck of dust.

I threw away the accessories bought
and the clothes and whatever reminder I have of then
almost an entire decade ago,
yet when we met, his eyes danced and lit up
and he smiled that familiar happy smile.
Now why did he have to do that..... really, why

I got too many good things and people in my life now
and many more new ones being added on a daily basis
I really do not need to deal with old things and baggages
I had the courage to walk away then, I shall repeat this feat again
walk away from the need for a real answer
of course it would mean me going to the grave without ever knowing
but will that be such a biggie? a regret? 
Like what would I have done different? 

Actually, maybe nothing different,
I would not appreciate my current squeeze as much as I possibly can
should I have not gone thru hell and back emotionally. 
At least I am really happy now, not happy everyday 
but happy generally and consistently so
and that makes me assured and confident
which in turn, is always a good thing in my humble opinion. 

Closure. That's all that mattered and matters now. 
I have it. Finally. I found real peace within. Period.
How nice. And Thank God really.